Well up till now I think I've done really well this year. It's been one hell of a journey. To update those of you who are newer to the site and remind those who have seen me through thick and thin (you know who you are...), this year has been a marathon!
It all started with a career move to London, UK, to work with my friend, mentor and shoulder to cry on, Dax Moy. I had known Dax for a few months by this time and when he offered me the opportunity to work in his studio as one of his elite team of health and fitnesss coaches, I naturally jumped at the chance. However, I made some big sacrifices to do so.
I closed my personal training business in Bristol, took a big loan to set up my new business in London, temporarily left my boyfriend and our lovely home behind and set off into the unknown to start from scratch on this new career path.
Two months later I discovered I was pregnant. I was working 60 hour weeks trying to build and establish a new client base and at the time was earning practically zero as the credit crunch had hit the fitness industry big time, and it truly was the worst 1st quarter I have ever witnessed!
Financial stress, emotional worries and troubles at home with awful housemates took their toll and after a series of bleeds I had a massive haemmorrhage and almost miscarried. I was all alone with no immediate friends, family or support, other than Dax, his wife and a work colleague who is now a very good friend.
Thankfully I have a little fighter in my belly and he survived. A few months later, Carl and I decided enough was enough and it was time for me to move back home. But the journey wasn't over yet. We had rented out our flat and there were tenants in there for the next few months. Carl was working away and I only got to see him every 2-3 weeks as he was working on a big project that required 21 day shifts, so I moved back home to my dad's. Lovely as it was to be home, it's a bit strange moving back in with your dad when you're pregnant and 31! He's great though and I really have loved being back at the family home.
Finally this weekend Carl and I moved back into our flat together! It's the first time we've lived together, or even spent a whole week together since last December and I'm now 32 weeks pregnant! Up until now I have managed to hold it all together, not let things get me down and I haven't had any emotional breakdowns at all, (one or two tearful moments but nothing major). But last week everything seemed to get on top of me.
Moving back into the flat has meant that we have had to really tighten up our belts as money is tight. On top of that I'm working on a complete pregnancy support system to help expectant mothers through every single day of the 9 month journey. This as you can imagine is a hell of a lot of work and it has to be finished in 8 weeks time as that's when I'm due. I also have yet to do my tax return for the last year and everything seems to be happening so quick! Oh and did I mention that I give birth in just 8 short weeks?
My usual calm temperement went out the window. I was really tearful - on the edge of tears for about two days. Then Carl asked me what was wrong and the floodgates opened! I was caught "in the thick of thin things" and couldn't see the wood for the trees. He managed to calm me down and we talked it all through and I realised that focussing on the little things had made me lose sight of the bigger picture. I was so pre-occupied with my anxieties that they became my world and I temporarily lost sight of my ability to face them down with a smile.
That smile gave me clarity and I realised that I was worrying instead of doing. So I stopped fretting and started to deal with my anxieties head on. I put them back in their place and started crossing things off my to-do list.
So today I feel much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm still worried about things, but I'm trying to keep my perspective by doing.
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