There's no place like home...

Well after doing a lot of thinking I've decided my time is up and it's time to go home.

I deal with stress really well and actually find a moderate amount of stress a great motivator and driver to get to my goals. However, I underestimated the emotional toll that being on my own whilst pregnant and trying to be a career woman at the same time, would be.

At first it was fine. I was managing my hours and was so focussed on becoming the trainer I wanted to be that I didn't see the creeping effects that the pregnancy was having on me. Obviously I was making sure I was eating well but the tiredness began to weigh me down like a silent stalker. The days started to feel longer and longer and I soon felt that I was chasing my own tail as I desperately tried to battle the tiredness and work through it.

Then finally last week was the last straw.

Life at home hadn't been great since my new housemate moved in. I found her mannerisms very abrupt but made allowances for the things she said, knowing that she wasn't aware of the tone of her voice or of her dominant nature and the way she spoke down to everyone. I hated being at home because I felt uncomfortable in my own house with her around. All these little things had slowly built up until one morning last week when she was so outrightly rude that I had to bite my toungue very hard and count down from 1000 and try not to cry.

Fortunately this was the wake up call that I needed. It was all too much without the love and support from family and friends and who was I kidding. This was my first pregnancy and I'd been so selfishly focussed on proving something to myself that I overlooked the most important thing. That I was happy and stress free and giving my baby the best start in life.

Thankyou, thankyou dear housemate, whose name shall never be mentioned, for without you I never would have seen the error of my ways!

Hurrah, I spoke to my boss and he was really supportive and gave me lots of options to carry on with all the projects I was working on back at home in Bristol.

A great weight lifted form my shoulders and I took the afternoon off work to go home and relax.

I slept from 2:30 in the afternoon till about 5pm, got some food and went back to bed and had a deep and restful sleep untill 5:30am the next day. I woke up this morning feeling energised, on top of the world and connected at last with the life in my belly. I knew that this was the best decision I could have made.

I have a few other people to thank. Holly Rigsby for her great support and advice which really made me stop and think, Leah Segedie, all the bookiboo-ers, fit yummy mummies and Angie from Women's Diet and Fitness. You've all given me food for thought and much needed support when I needed it most.

Thankyou all x

Stress and pregnancy - don't ignore the signs!

I wanted to add a post about stress. I think I've gone through a lot of this since January and although it's manageable stress and I've used it in a positive way to inspire me to work harder and do well, it's not something that I feel is conduscive to a smooth first trimester.

If you've read my first post you'll understand the circumstances that have been putting a lot of mental and emotional strain on me over the last few months.

On top of this, being self-employed has meant that I work a minimum of 55 hours every week and actually this is only when I take a day off! My work means that I start at 7am every morning and finish between 8pm and 9pm every night. When I'm not training clients, I'm doing an office job during the day, writing articles, press releases, writing up client notes and programmes, working on my websites, filming video clips and writing a book. Phew! Did I get everything? I think so!

I love my work, I'm passionate about it and it gives me satisfaction and enjoyment, but I realise that, during the first trimester espescially, the little life growing inside me is more important.

During the first 8 weeks I found it a particularly hard going emotionally. I felt very alone, as I had told no-one, apart from Carl and although he was supportive, he couldn't be with me. I had 3 bleeds in weeks 6, 7 and 8. The first was just like the day before a period where there was a little bit of spotting, the 2nd was slightly heavier, bright red and mucusy, the 3rd was horrendous.
I was sat on the sofa in the living room on the Sunday evening when I felt a severe pain in my lower back. It felt like constipation so I ignored it for about 10 mins until it got so bad I had to go to the bathroom. By the time I got up the stairs my tracksuit bottoms were soaked with blood and when I sat on the toilet I also bled into the bowl.

My housemate took me straight over to A&E where she waited with me for half an hour before leaving me with a taxi number to get home. I was there till 1am. The doctor said there was a lot of blood, but on the positive side my cervix was still closed. I managed to stay calm and I don't know how but I think it was knowing that I had to. I was on my own and no-one was there to help me share the emotional strain.

Luckily enough for me I think it was my body giving me a warning. I took the next day off work to rest and immediately spoke to my clients about moving their session so that I could at least have 1 evening where I finished at a reasonable time.

So I guess the message I wanted to get across is that no matter how well you think you are coping, please don't make my mistake and ignore the warning signs. The mind and body have funny ways of dealing with stress and although you may think you're fine, it will effect you in other ways. As Carl told me last week, it's not just you working 14 hour days, the baby is doing it too and that's just not fair!

TFI Friday!

Thank God, the weekend couldn't come fast enough this week!

I spent last weekend in Belfast with my boyf and his family and it was so relaxing it was a bit of a shocker getting up at 5:30am on Tuesday for work, knowing that I wouldn't get home till 9:30pm!

Feeling a little sick this morning but think that's tiredness from the long working week.

Elimination has been good and I'm feeling better about my skin already knowing that I'm doing something to help it clear up.

Breakfast this morning was my yummy gluten free porridge with a chopped banana. Can't wait till it gets warmer and I can swap it for bircher muesli!

I'm sooooo looking forward to tommorow as my boyfriend is visiting me for the weekend. It's really tough right now and sometimes I get a bit lonely knowing that we have another 5 months apart. Oh well all in a good cause!

I am too tired today to exercise so I'm giving myself the day off. Will do some yoga stretches and some relaxation meditation. I'll train in the morning after I've trained my client.

Todays poses:

Mountain Pose
Forward bend
Down dog
Warrior 1
Warrior 2
Triangle pose
Backbends
Long stretch roll
Supine butterfly pose

10 min relaxation and connecting with tadpole - can't wait to find out what it is so I can call him/her by name!

Please clear up my poor hormonal skin!

Gosh, does anyone know when the blooming starts?!

My skin has been absolutely awful in the first few months! I guess that's one of the joys of pregnancy!

Went to see my doctor this morning about a couple of lumps that have come up - turns out they're just lymph nodes and flare up when you're run down; it's your immune system kicking in. I thought that's what they might be as I've had them before but I haven't actually been sick. Think it must be the long hours I'm doing at work at the moment. Oh well good to know they're working properly!

My doctor prescribed me a new medication for my skin called Du-ac. It's an antibiotic combined with a drying agent and apparently it's "the business", (as she described it! My doctor is really cool!). It's brand new and she just got some from the drugs rep last week. She used it herself and declared it as amazing! I have the prescription in my bag so will let you know results next week!

Anyway so today is my day 1 on the Elimination Diet.Elimination is a diet put together my my boss, (kind of, I'm self employed but I work at his studio) and friend, Dax Moy.

It's basically a whole body clen-up system and works miracles quicker than anything I've ever seen/read/used, before.

I use it with all my clients and have done for well over a year. I did my own elimination at the age of 21 after suffering a nasty 3 month attack from my Celiac disease and I've pretty much stuck to it ever since.

Here's the deal. You cut out all processed, non-natural food sources and anything that the body treats as toxic or that the body struggles to digest and all sugar.

The result is that you end up dropping loads of excess body fat, (especially the stubborn fat that you thought would never go!), your energy levels and immune system shoot through the roof, your skin, hair and nails look and feel amazing and you in yourself will feel fabulous, positive and full of beans!

Banned List

Alcohol - loads of sugar and obviously toxic to your system as anyone would know the morning after all that lovely champagne!

Caffeine - a stimulant that wears down the adrenal glands and also stimulates the release of the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol increases blood pressure, blood sugar and suppresses your immune system - yuk!

Sugar - obvious one, this one. Sugar is highly calorific. Consumption of sugar will stimulate an insulin response from your body. The higher the sugar intake, the more insulin you'll produce and the more fat you'll store. Over consumption of sugar can lead to type 2 diabetes.

Processed foods - Chemicals are poisonous to our bodies. In order for us to be able to consume all the chemical additives and preservatives in our food nowadays we need to be able to dilute the toxic effects they can have on our bodies. So we dump the toxins in adipose tissue (fat stores) and in order to dilute the effects we start to retain water to dilute the toxins, (also stored in the fatty tissue). So now we're storing lots of excess fat and water which we just don't need! Hence, drop the toxins, then you no longer need the excess fat and water.

Wheat - I could spend hours on this one, but in a nutshell ALL WHEAT IS PROCESSED! Yes even wholegrain! Basically the manufaturers will strip the original grain down, refine it, then put it back together to produce wholegrain. The body doesn't recognise wheat as it's natural form beacause of this processing and treats it as sugar.

Pastuerised Dairy - Pasteurisation flash heats milk to over 500 degrees in under 2 seconds. This kills all the bacteria - good and bad. Not only that but it also kills the enzymes in the milk. We need enzymes in our food to help us digest it. If there's none present then the body has a bloody hard time breaking it down.

Live yoghurt, eggs and butter are an exception to the dairy rule.

Butter has is rich in Vitamin A and good fats.

Live yoghurt has good bacteria and is great for the digestive system.

Eggs are a complete protein and a great natural source - eat as many as you like! (oh and there's no proven link between eggs and high cholesterol before you ask!)

Microwaves - they completely change the cellular structure of food. A case last year in a British hospital saw a lazy nurse warm the blood for a transfusion in a microwave. The guy died just hours later. Enough said.

Apart from the banned list everything else is a green light! So there's loads of food you can eat and eat really well!My breakfast - elimination banana and fig pancakes, rooibos tea, 1 ltr of water.

Todays workout - Tabata training - 2 x 4 mins this morning, 2 x 4 mins this afternoon

Yippee! Everyone is over the moon!

I told my mum first and I think she already knew!

She had mothers intuition before I opened my mouth. Chris my stepdad was in shock and thought I was joking for about 10 minutes. They were both over the moon as was my Dad when I told him. Absolutely thrilled to bits.

I invited all the girls for lunch and they were all really pleased and so glad that I'd be coming home to Bristol in the not too distant future.

Phew, now that everyone knew I felt much better. I now had people to phone if I was feeling a bit stressed or upset. I was hoping that was the end of the complications and it'd been such a traumatic time I really needed some calmness in my life!

Agh! Complications - too many!

I woke up to bleeding. The second week in a row. Last week there was just a tiny bit of spotting but this time it was bright red blood. Not a great deal but enough to scare me.

I went to the doctors and was sent straight to EPDU for a scan and blood tests.

Luckily everything seemed to be OK. The sac was tiny but you could just about see it. The hormone count was also going up as normal and everything was on track.

Phew! Thank God! This was stressful enough being without Carl and trying to build a business, let alone with any complications on top. Only a couple of people knew and that was Dax, my boss and Carl so it was tough managing without my family to turn to for support.

Then one week later on the Sunday night I was sat on the sofa and felt a severe pain in my lower back. To be honest I thought it was constipation. I knew this was extremely common in pregnancy and ignored it for a bit. When it got really bad I went to go to the bathroom.

By the time I got there my tracksuit bottoms were soaked with blood and the toilet filled up with blood as soon as I started to try and "go". I screamed for my housemate and she rushed me to A&E.

They were very good and rushed me in. The doctor took a look and said there was a lot of blood but not to panic as my cervix was still closed. They took loads more blood and I was sent home and asked to come back to EPDU the next day.

The next 48 hours were very worrying but I tried to keep myself calm. I couldn't get an appointment the next day as EPDU were fully booked so I had to wait another day. This was all so hard on my own.

I finally got in to EPDU for another scan and the results of my blood tests.

Panic over! The scan showed the sac had grown to more than 3 times the size and you could even see the little heartbeat! My hormone levels were rising normally and I was discharged and sent to my doctors to book my antenatal care.

I was so pleased! I had worried that it had been my fault for training abs in the first few weeks but the midwife told me that there was no way that could have caused it as I'm strong and fit and have been training for about 10 years.

By now I was just over 8 weeks and I was heading home that weekend with the picture of my scan to show my parents! I wondered how they'd take the news!

Am I pregnant?

Did you know?



I did. I was only a couple of days late and although like most women I'd had scares before where my period was late, this time it felt different. I had a gut feeling and I was certain.



I had some cheap tests, (like £3 for 2 from Sainsburys!), and as soon as I woke up I did the test. Think I peed on it for too long because the line came out very faint, but it was there. I was pregnant. I did the second test on the second day to be sure and yet again the line was faint but it was there.



Now what?!



I'd just moved up to London! I'd left my job, my boyfriend (temporarily not actually left him), my friends and family and any security I had in Bristol. I'm a personal trainer and had literally closed down my business, taken a loan and risked everything for the opportunity to work in Dax Moy's studio in London. I was starting from scratch, self-employed with 0 clients and a big fat debt. I just couldn't afford to be pregnant right now!



I found out on the Thursday and wasn't seeing Carl till the Friday night when I went home to Bristol for the weekend. I didn't want to tell him over the phone, but Friday morning, when I spoke to him to say good morning, he asked me if I'd got my period yet. I said no and then he asked me if I'd done a pregnancy test. I couldn't lie and told him I had and it was positive.



Although we both wanted kids we'd planned for the end of the year to start trying. After I'd spent my year with Dax working hard to meet my goal of becoming a world class trainer. And, ideally after we'd got married!



What were we going to do? Neither of us wanted to have kids in London or live there longer than necessary. I was literally there for a year to be a sponge and learn as much as I could and work as hard as I could at becoming an excellent coach. I was staying in a shared house in a tiny room with a sofabed and not much else, living cheaply to keep my debts at a minimum whilst I built my client base and worked bloody hard to earn a living. Not the best and least stressful situation to be in when you've just found out you're pregnant!



After lots of to-ing and fro-ing, Carl and I decided it was best for me to stay in London. By this point it was too late to come back to Bristol, as I'd already handed most of my clients to other trainers and more importantly I'd be giving up on my dream. He would be moving up in a couple of months anyway so we'd be together soon anyway. It looked like it was all going to work out fine after all.