There's Something I Need To Tell You...

My Dad and River


Now I've already posted my "official" article for today, but there is something on my mind and I wanted to get it off my chest.

For those of you on the site who know me well and have been there for me and followed my journey over the past year through pregnancy, my birth and beyond, you'll know that I've had more than my fair share of ups and downs. More downs than I'd like to have experienced but hey, what doesn't kill you and all that...!

Well, after a welcome return to normailty and a happy family life, these past few weeks have seen me return to dealing with a LOT of stress. Firstly my dad's cancer has come back. Now my dad is a fighter and saw off stomach and bowel cancer a few years ago without batting an eyelid. He kicked Cancer in the proverbial behind and at the age of 71 , still makes it to the gym 5 times a week.

But now it's in his throat. He's just finished radiotherapy and although is very chipper on the outside, I worry about how he really feels about it all. Don't you think that parents have this way of protecting their kids from the truth - no matter how old we get?

Secondly I've been really ill myself. To be honest I think it's self-inflicted. Since my son was 2 weeks old I've been working every spare minute I can find to finish writing the product I started when I was pregnant. Even then I was getting up at 7am and finishing writing at 11pm every night, but since River was born it's taken a toll. Instead of sleeping and recovering I'll do anything but - that's including the housework, teaching classes, working out and trying to work part time as well as be a full time mum to a young baby!

Isn't it funny how you get stuck in a way of thinking? Instead of opening my eyes and seeing that I was running myself into the ground, all I could think about was how much I had to do and then stress about not achieveing any of it! Is this ringing any bells with any of you?

So about 4 weeks ago I developped an abcess in my back. Yuk - had to have it operated and couldn't walk for two weeks OR look after my son properly! It was seriously THE MOST PAINFUL THING EVER! And that INCLUDES CHILDBIRTH!

It was the wakeup call I needed to kick me into touch. Whilst trying to be all things to everyone, I ended up being no use to everyone including myself! I

couldn't walk or look after my baby, I couldn't work as I was on morphine and a whole host of other painkillers that zonked me right out. My dad was having daily treatments on his throat and I couldn't even take him to the hospital, or help out round his house.

I'm much better now, but going through all of this has made me realise that no matter how stressful life gets and no matter how much POO it throws at you, you have to to be strong enough of mind to let it wash right off.

Yes it's upsetting when people you love are suffering and it's scary when the thought of losing someone so close to you becomes a stark possibility but LIFE CARRIES ON. So, you can either let the bad stuff drag you down, or you can wake up every day and say

"No matter what this day brings I WILL enjoy all that it has to offer and teach me."

From every experience we share a memory is created and another lesson learnt. So I will take the bad with the good and USE my experiences to become a more fulfilled person.